真的是求人不如求己啊。

随着成长，很多事，变得越来越不单纯，越来越不简单。曾经以为很要好的关系，在关系到金钱时变得紧张。 在金字面前，原形毕露。人人皆求自保。

人生真是场无止境的学习旅程啊。。。

what-ifs

What if...?

So often this question crosses my mind. What if I had done this, what if I hadn't done that.

What does it matter? Life is lived forward, not backward.

When I write on my blog, I sometimes wish that people will read. Yet when people are reading, it means that you cannot bitch about them...

What does it mean to live in a community?

Herbivores live in a herd to stay protected. Carnivores hunt in a pack.

What about humans?

Why is there such a strong need to conform, to not be a deviant? Even when you're forced to act against your will?

Why is it difficult to do the right thing?

What a busy week. Even after all the action is over, there's still tons of data to analyse.

I think I'm very stressed. Even though I don't always consciously feel it, it's always simmering beneath the surface. And something happens and triggers the switch, my floodgates open.

Like just now. When I asked my sis when I can use the desktop since the monitor is bigger and keyboard has the number pad so will be easier for me to key in my data, she said she'll be playing 'left for dead' all day. So I returned to my room and switched on my laptop. As I was waiting for the com to load, I was staring at my organiser where I wrote the stuff I need to do to obtain an elution profile, and then something just snapped. I started crying, and I was thinking, why am I even crying?

Sigh, wasted my eleven hours of sleep. Now my eyes are going to be swollen.

I think I need to redo the elution profile... Sigh.

[@1.40pm: To anyone who might be concerned, I'm fine now. Don't worry ;P]

最近在追看《原来是美男》。

看着戏里的张根硕，让我想起李敏镐。因为两人长得有点像，尤其是画上眼线后。（声音也挺像的！）

曾经想过要看 "Personal Preference"，但最后并没有。因为没有办法看李敏镐饰演别的角色。因为对我来说，那张脸和具俊表是相等的。因为具俊表应该和金丝草相爱，所以无法看他与别的女人在一起。就像道明寺和杉菜一样。就像奈特和里理子一样。

只因我入戏太深。

或许就是因为这样，有些演员才会拒绝接演某些可能被定型的角色。由于角色太具代表性，演员无法突破既定的形象。于是富家公子继续高傲冷漠且深情。

Leonardo di Caprio 算例外吧。

本人看了一则"P.P" 的片段。原本认为诠释得不错的 Gu Jun Pyo, 竟与 Jeon Jin Ho 有些神似。让我有些失望。

Isn't this kind of sad (for the actors, that is)? Does this mean I'll never watch any new dramas by Lee Minho, Matsumoto Jun, and Hayami Mokomichi?

I guess so. I guess it can't be helped. Since their 深情-ness is already too deeply ingrained, any other pairing would seem like some sort of betrayal.

当两个人之间的理念不同，必定会有意见分歧的时候。

这时候就得有一方迁就另一方。

是的，迁就。

就像道明寺和杉菜一样吧。两个生活环境截然不同的人，真的能一起幸福吗？

或许这就是真爱的力量吧。又或许这是只发生在偶像剧里的童话故事。

好感性啊，竟然一大早起来打这一些，而且昨晚还睡不着呢。

I've been pushing it to the back of my mind. Pushing and pushing. Wait till July, I tell myself. Wait till July when the system officially opens. And so I spent a month hiding from reality.

And now it's June.

How long do you think you can hide, tky?

I try to reassure myself. It probably doesn't matter if I get allocated unpopular projects, since I'm not interested in any of them anyway. I hope I'm right.

At times like this I'll chastise myself. You could have just graduated and get a job, why stay and suffer for one more year?

And then I remember the process of job searching is just as dreadful.

Oh well.

This is life.

Wouldn't it be nice if we could live in our own world, where we could delete all the annoying people and live with only people we like?

I might end up living alone. XD

I don't want to grow up. I don't.