Suicide

'Although I have some faith in my abilities, companies can give a job to someone 15 years younger than me who's probably not as good as me, but not much worse and whom they can pay half the salary, and who will work harder than I would. At my age, I should be high up the tree, hanging on grimly and voiding my bowels on those below.

I consider suicide. I haven't thought of it for a while.

Suicide's appeal is that it's easy. Going through with it isn't. That requires some drive. Which of the following is easiest? Filling in a 10-page application form which contains several questions you don't even understand? Moving house? Getting a qualification in computing or engineering? Trawling through the lonely hearts columns hoping for someone with decent conversation? Building up a business in executive toys on your own by working 12-hour days for 6 years?

Or swallowing some pills?

Suicide panders to our laziness. And laziness always wins. Sooner or later. That's the only law.

Why not kill yourself when you are in a good mood? Why go out miserable? Why not quit when you are ahead? The notion of checking out in a good mood in a good hotel suddenly appeals to me.

The main reason I ponder suicide a lot is because I know I won't. I have a problem of being a coward and a weakling.'

~~ Tibor Fischer, How to be God, p18-19

(taken from http://iceman-in-iceworld.blogspot.com. It's amazing how many books this guy has read!)

Found this written on a scrap piece of paper:

不是因为是真的才相信
是因为 相信了才变真的

Written by me, but I can't remember where I'd copied it from...

By the way, organic chem paper was yesterday. (That sounds wrong. Exam does not equal yesterday. I should write, "I had my organic chem paper yesterday". hahaha) It wasn't too bad, I guess. I mean, at least I could sort of get to the final product. Hee...anyway I'm just glad that it's over...at least for the next few months. Cos I heard from my friends that in nus chem u can't escape from organic chem; it's the main research area of the chem department. Sigh.

My next paper is Inorganic chem on Thursday. And I've been totally slacking yesterday and today. Watched ghost whisperer, read i-weekly, and of course watched youtube. Recently I've been watching many 棒棒堂videos, and honestly, I can't get enough of them. Hahaha... I didn't think much of them in the past, but grew to like them as I watched more of their shows. They're really funny. I watched their videos when I was super sleepy from studying organic chem, and I laughed so hard my stomach hurt and I became very energetic and high...at 4am..hahaha. As you can see I haven't been working hard and this really worries me. Exam le, TKY!!! Where has your 往日的用功 and 勤奋 gone? Stop playing!!! But it's so hard when the laptop is right in front of you on your desk, and between the computer and a stack of notes of course you will go for the former, right? Sigh, maybe I should just hide my laptop.

Nah... that's impossible. Bleh.

《乒乓圆》今天大结局！猜猜是何胜武还是贺家军会赢？不知道啊，网上多数的人都是支持阿武。。。哈哈其实我也是。阿武这个角色确实比较讨好。希望阿武能和姿宜在一起，因为小芬实在不值得阿武的爱。她这个大花痴，整天摆着一副“阿武你快回去洗衣店-别再闹了-你怎么可能会打乒乓”的脸，刘云在公开赛败给阿武后竟然因为家军的几句话而怀疑从小和她一起长大的阿武，真是太 太 太 可恶了！！！相反的，姿宜一直都相信阿武，并鼓励他追求梦想。(it's tough typing in chinese...) In fact I feel that it's Ziyi who propelled Ah Wu to stop playing against the wall and play with a human opponent. It's only after her 责备 that he 大彻大悟...

Sad news

读了这则新闻不禁觉得好悲。。。

在日本大阪市，一名男子衣着整齐地躺在自己公寓的床上。他看上去表情平静，像睡着了一般。他的皮肤呈黑灰色，他在那里已经躺了一个月。

法医吃惊地发现，他的胃完全是空的，这名男子是饿死的。公寓里的冰箱，同样空空如也。锡罐里有几枚硬币，还不够一顿饭的钱。各种求职杂志和一张求职表，散落在地板上。

大阪这名失业男子，原来是电脑专家，竟然饥饿致死，消息震动了日本。他的极端例子，让日本人意识到，在应对此次全球金融危机方面，他们的社会福利体制是多么的差劲。

。。。

目前，日本有许多失业人，还假装上班，希望对家庭和邻居遮掩失业的羞耻。(why does this sound so familiar? I must have seen it before in some j-dorama...)

finally submitted my midi yesterday... that marks the end of SOM, i guess. A bit sad, cos I like the module. Realised I'd made one careless mistake (really careless, I read 8 as 6!!!)..sigh... My friend took this module last semester and got B+ even though she'd got full marks for both tests! Oh man...

Watched "The Sixth Sense" last night. It's a really nice movie with a major twist! Don't read the comments if you're watching on youtube cos people like to give spoilers there! Haley Joel Osment is a really cute child actor. Love his acting in this movie and also "A.I.". He just looks so sad and pitiful and makes your heart ache for the character.

haha this is the sakae song i heard the auntie singing at chevrons...no wonder it sound so familiar LOL

super duper tired now.

eyelids are drooping...

sianz.

Had my last inorganic lab today. I dunno why, expt 1 is the most tedious of all, but we have to do it alone. have to reflux twice and rotavap... The TA asked us to skip the recrystallization step (to save 2 hours) and then after rotavap we were supposed to vacuum filter our product, but then again he said no need. Does it really work like this? Cutting here and there to save time? Goodness.

But at least he is helpful. At least he pops by to see how you are doing and make some comments here and there. Not like the previous one. Ask him A and after five minutes he will answer you B. *roll eye*

Sigh. Another handwriiten report to do...

And I'm super lagging in reading the organic chem text... he's at 35 now and I'm still at 27!!! I'm never going to finish reading! And I'm totally lost during his lectures!