a lifetime of secrets

i'm reading "A LIFETIME OF SECRETS" now.. borrowed it from the school library. It's a really nice book that i strongly recommend. it's made up of many postcards that people have sent in about their secrets. Some made me laugh, others made me want to cry. All in all it tugs at your heartstrings (is there such a phrase?) and makes you think about what life really is...
i'd love to quote all of them but that's impossible, so go read the book yourself!!!

• "I am almost 40. I have average hair, an average body and average looks. As a result, I am invisible. No one ever notice me. Everytime I go shopping, I steal something. (...) I just pick what I want, put it in my pocket and walk on. Because I am invisible, no one sees me or what I take. I live in fear that I will be caught. And that I won't."
• "I eat spicy foods so that it will hurt on the way back up."
• "I write home telling everyone what a great time I'm having... Secretly I've never felt so ALONE in my life."
• "i am afraid to meet people from the internet in person because i photoshop my pics and think they will be disappointed."
• "I am terrified of becoming the Crazy Old Cat Lady. I'm 22 years old, I've never had a real boyfriend, and I have 3 cats. I don't think my fears are unfounded."
• "I haven't believed in God since you told me you were divorcing dad."
• "You tried to find the key to my heart. I was scared, so I left you for someone who I knew would never look for it. I guess it will stay locked up forever."
• I only allow myself to read your letters once a year (9/17). Then, I let myself fantasize how my life would be different if you were still around. Sometimes I find myself hating you because it’s easier than missing you.
• I wanted to be a spy. I try not to tell many people this. I would hate to go to my 25th reunion and have to introduce myself as an accountant and have my former classmates ask, “What happened to you wanting to be a spy?” And I’d have to just smile and nod. And then leave early to go on a dangerous mission to save their lives from a threat they never knew existed.
• I’m eighteen and I’m catching myself living in the past.
• Sometimes I sit alone in the cafeteria… I have conversations with myself on the phone so people don’t think I have no friends.
• Someday, I want to go for a walk, and come home years later, having found myself.
• I still can’t believe you died. So I pretend you are away on a very long vacation having the best time ever.
  
• I wonder if my dad ever thinks “I’m home” when he pulls in the driveway to get me, here at my mom’s.
  
• I save every card, note, letter, picture, drawing, and email my friends send me so that when I am old and alone I will remember how much I was loved.
  
• I didn’t really have a “work emergency”. I just didn’t want to face our old classmates at your wedding.
  
• I wish I could interview your ex-wife and find out why she left. And see if they are the same reasons why I have considered leaving…
  
• I’m glad he isn’t alive to see me as a lesbian. I’m not ashamed… but HE would be.
  
• I lost all my friends because I spent too much time at work. Now I spend too much time at work because I lost all my friends.
  
• I’ve given up hope that my shrink will ever find the right dosage or combination of meds.
  
• My hairdresser of 6 years has no idea I’ve been divorced for almost a year. We still talk like I’m happily married!
  
• I aborted the baby you never knew about. Sometimes I want to tell you. But I doubt you would care.
  
• My biggest fear is not death, but of by chance running into the family of the boy whose heart beats inside my body.
  
• On 10/28/1977 I had open heart surgery at 11 months old. When I am depressed and think I want to die, I think of the doctors that worked to save my life. Thank you for the gift of life, so many times over.
  
• I don’t take my medication… Because it makes my illness real
  
• Retirement: The great thing about getting out of bed…you get to go back in.

I've also scanned some of the pictures..but won't post them here..i hate uploading pictures on blogger it's kind of complicated so i'm posting the link here:

A LIFETIME OF SECRETS

go take a look if you're free..they're really meaningful.. no one in my family seems to appreciate them though :(