SPEED The Best Memorial 1335 Days

SPEED are:

-Hiroko Shimabukuro

-Eriko Imai

-Takako Uehara

-Hitoe Arakaki

Haven't written that in a long time. I used to write it everywhere, you know. =P

Today is SPEED Disband 7th Anniversary. I know they released another album in 2003, but that's not counted. To me, anyway. It's just not the same anymore. Will no longer be the same.

Sigh.

My life revolves around TV. Every Sunday I don't know what to watch. Like tomorrow, Channel 5, 7.15-9.30 "League of Extraordinary Gentlemen". What a weird name. Channel U, 9-11 "My left Eye Sees Ghost". That's a MUST-WATCH!!! I'd watched it once before, the ending is SUPER SAD. I cried and cried. :'( Sigh, if I watch the chinese movie then I'll miss "Ugly Betty" every week.

I'm really worried about my MOE interview which is approaching. So scary.

You know the bio lesson that I took much efforts to prepare for, making notes from scratch? Only one student turned up. Puh-lease lor. I was expecting 6-7 students. And I'm not paid for the lesson. Sucks. Anyway, according to my boss this is a really flexible lesson, with no syllabus. It's for IP kids. So for the next lesson I'm supposed to walk into the classroom unprepared and try to crap my way through for TWO hours. What to do??!!

The Time Machine

We all have our time machines. Some take us back, they're called memories. Some take us forward, they're called dreams.

Über-Morlock:You built your time machine because of Emma's death. If she had lived it would never have existed, so how could you use your time machine to go back and save her? You are the inescapable result of your tragedy, just as I am the inescapable result of you.

Hartdegen: I could come back a thousand times... and see her die a thousand ways.

There won't be any title for this entry. I mean, it's just a regular, normal journal entry. I'm running out of titles. Hope it works.

Today is a bad day. (haha, Daniel Powter's song.) Things are awkward when I'm around my colleagues. Not all of them, just those who I know exist but are not close to. It's like, I have nothing to talk to them about, and yet I can't pretend like they don't exist. It's not like in a school. The company is much smaller, you can't hide. Like every Tuesday and Thursday. if I catch the 11.45 train, I'd see DL. And I have no courage to say hi to him, so I'd walk real slowly and lag behind him, trying to miss the green light. It sucks.

And I did something terrible today. Sigh. I wanted to print my financial aid application summary, but I was so scared and worried, you know what? Yesterday morning I dreamt that I was printing and my superior suddenly appeared. So scary.

Anyway, I'd planned to meet LJ after my lesson cos she wanted to zap sth as well. But on my way out I saw Ming Shu and so I decided to go upstairs with her to check out the situation. And then I printed my stuff. Hell, I forgot to clear the history and delete the files. Shit. I got back to the multimedia room(that's where I work) and LJ was upset that I had gone on without her.

It's all my fault. I don't know why I did what I did. Argh.. On the way home an awkward silence hung over us as I bit my lips trying to get the s-word out. It's really hard to say it, you know, despite how sincerely you feel about it. Eventually I didn't manage to apologise (sigh). I messaged her after I got off the train.

I'm such a coward.

Gaia's Sad Life

I'm reading Fearless FBI now, and as you know, I always can't help but flip to the back of the book to see what's the ending like. Like, you know, so I can read on in peace knowing that the main character is safe, etc.-

So anyway, I turned to the back of #4: Naked Eye and SIGH. Gaia's tragic life. The team managed to nail Catherine and Socorro and returned to Quantico to investigate the Lollipop murder case. Gaia suspected that Will may be the murderer. Will Taylor. After what he'd gone through to save her, risking his career and his life.

And the most terrible thing is, Will got killed right in front of Gaia. Just like Jake. Gaia saw his blood spewing out. I know this is just a fictional book and all, but I still can't help but feel saddened. Why does this have to happen again? Why does Gaia have to go though betrayal (by her ex-roommate Catherine Sanders) again? Why can't she get close to someone without that person getting harmed or worse, killed? Is she destined to a life of isolation and loneliness, just because of her genetic anomaly? Jake had sacrificed himself to save Gaia. He was only 18 and had a bright future ahead of him. When Will was held at gunpoint at the Socorro's HQ, Gaia surrendered because she didn't want him to die in the process of being a hero, like Jake had. But apparently that wasn't enough. Will Taylor still died.

The story ends with Gaia calling Ed Fargo. I didn't read in detail. Will probably write more about this later. Think she may return to New York.

I just feel so sad for Gaia. I know she's a fictional character and all, but...I dunno. She's so alone. She watched her uncle kill her mom at the age of five, and her father left her (thinking that wiuld keep her safe) in foster care when she's 12. Since then she's faced more betrayal than I think a child can possibly take. When Gaia was 17, Mary got killed by Loki. Sam was abducted by Loki. Jake was killed by Chris Rodke. Three years later Will was murdered. How could a person live with all that?

Another day at work

I was at the clinic corner today when my boss walked by. So coincidental. He asked if I can teach Sec 1 Bio every Sat, 10-12. He told me it's a clinic session, so I agreed. Only it turns out that it's IP1 Bio, and it's not a clinic, it's a LESSON, it's not one student, it's SIX!!! What a big difference. And I very blur, didn't get the details right. The impt details, like when the lesson commences, do I have to take attendance, do I get paid, what do I teach, what is the structure of the lesson, etc... I have no idea at all. And he asked me to buy 2 textbooks. My friends advised me not to do so, because it's not really up to me to do the purchasing. I mean, I'm still on probation!!! Sigh, very cham.
So it's not like relieving lessons, where there are materials you can get from the counter. I have to make my own notes. Which I enjoy doing tremendously, trust me. Really. It's just that I'm really busy. I've got curriculum stuff, and I need to set the assessment papers. Arrgghh.....

The Phantom of the Opera

Whew, haven't written in like 2 weeks.
The previous week had been so super draining. Squeezed out all my brain juice thinking up essays. It was really difficult.
I watched "The Phantom of the Opera"movie on Sunday. It was super nice!!!I mean, I'd been touched and all when reading the library book my sis borrowed on the musical(there was a script inside), but watching it was a whole different experience. Thanks to my sis I was rather familiar with all the songs. It was such a tragic story..a tragic life of the Phantom. Disfigured, deserted by his mother, loathed by the world, turned away... And that last scene, after he asked Raoul to take Christine away and leave him alone, he looked at his mask and sang Masquerade softly to himself. It was so sad. And then Christine returned to return him the ring that he'd given her. He told her he loved her. He loved her and yet he would never get the love he so yearned for.
I think the movie was great. As in great content and artistic and all. Flashing between the past and present. And I think the last cemetery scene was newly added. When Raoul bid the monkey(made by the Phantom; sought after by another lady whom I suspect is Meg. couldn't be madam giry cos Raoul was so old Giry must have died.) and placed it at Christine's tomb(or headstone, whatever), he noticed a ring with a stalk of rose through it. The Phantom's ring. The rose was a symbol of his. What does that mean?

The Phantom is quite good-looking, actually. I find him a little familiar. You know why? He's actually Gerard Butler who took part in Tomb Raider2 as well as the Spartan war epic 300!





P.S. I'm reading Fearless FBI now. Dunno if I should do this cos to me the end of the Fearless series is an ending in itself, if you know what i mean. It's like Jake's dead and Gaia has decided to leave NYC forever, never to see Ed Fargo again..going elsewhere to start a new life. Then in this new series she graduates from Stanford and joins the FBI. I'm just staring the book, so I don't know yet, but I think she's getting drawn to this other trainee called William Taylor.
How do I say this? Hmm..it doesn't feel right for her to fall for someone else after Jake died to save her. I mean, of course if you love a person you'd want her to be happy, even if that means for her to love someone else. But there's just this feeling of betrayal, you know? I'm scared this'll be like Sweet Valley University-I'll Never Love Again: Nike sacrifices for Jessica. Though he didn't die but he had to give up his life in the place where he grew up in and stay away to keep Jessica safe. Yes, the parting scene was so heart-wrenching and tear-jerking and my heart just broke, but then in the end Jessica, after grieving and all, went back to her firtacious ways. Sigh.

人心地图促使了边界划分

威尼斯迷路

埋葬那些不愉快的过去
未来飘着cappuccino香气
我离开了你
丢掉你送给我的旧毛衣
没有行李
我一个人旅行
飞过层层的自云
到陌生的国度里
也许就可以把你忘记

让我在威尼斯迷路
独自狂欢庆祝
用孤单的舞步
编织成华丽的演出
就把自己放逐
在直觉的地图
也不必去在乎 谁会是幸福归属

听着圣马可广场的钟响
漫步在那黄金色的阶梯
我伪装自己
面具也无法遮盖的忧伤
无处躲藏
随着裙摆飘荡
嘉年华歌舞升平
前世今生的欢愉
谁在乎是现实或梦境 hey yeah

(Bridge)ciao ! Sant Lucia
孤挺花飘香 泪湿的脸庞
从今以后 我不再贪图
摇摆的幸福 悲伤已落幕
在威尼斯迷路
威尼斯最美丽的迷路　

威尼斯的丰姿，构搭在它15世纪犹如迷宫般的建筑群中，但它幽静深情的灵魂，在水里。

随着水流波光，美其名是要找回一条出路，倒不如说，是想迷失得更为彻底，最好是沿着这条幻影水蛇，直接进入那一幅幅摇曳着美丽咒语的图画里去。

back to nj--results show

2nd March. How so many people have dreaded the arrival of this day. But time doesn't stop simply because you want it to, and so the day arrived. Today.
I'd been pretty nonchalant about this thing. Not that I'm soooo confident or anything. It just didn't seem to register. Until last night. I began to think, began to panic, and all the what-ifs popped up in my mind.
I brought my camera to school today, hoping to take photos of this school and its people on what could possibly be the last time I'm stepping into the school. I hadn't expected this 2 years ago, but I missed nj. A strong wave of emotions hit me as I walked through the gates(red gates) and cut across the track towards the grand stand. As usual I headed for the grand stand toilet, the first thing I do upon reaching school.
As I climbed the stairs I saw that the 2 singtel buildings that used to stand next to our school were gone.
My nostalgia and sense of bu4she3 were not shared by others. They like totally couldn't believe anyone will miss this school. How could that be??!! How could you spend two years at a place and not feel anything for it? My initial enthusiasm dissolved and gave way to anxiety and gloom as I joined my class. Sitting around and stoning. Made me so nervous and scared.
Woon Ling and I met Mrs Teai at the atrium. She told her that she would jump at her grades(I found out later that she got 3As. Good for her!!) . She told me that she was happy with my Physics grade. I was so scared la. The way she said it, I wasn't so sure about my other subjects.
We entered the hall and joined the class. I saw Mr Wee, Mr Song and Mrs Khoo. Really miss them.
After announcing those percentages and all those top students, we queued up to receive our results. The wait was killing me. Really scary. As I stood waiting, fear increasing at an alarming rate as a thousand thoughts raced through my mind..ok not really. my mind actually went quite blank. Anyway, those queuing were so scared, and then some people after receiving their results were so happy and cheered. It's very demoralising, you know.
As I wrote down my details and signed, Mr Wee passed me the file(with all the papers inside) and told me my results. He told me and spoiled the surprise!!! I'd planned to like hide in a corner and slowly open up the paper, which is what I did for O-levels.
XW got 2a2b, which is not too bad, I suppose, but not good enough for her, cos she wants to do medicine. I think she was in a bad mood cos she left early and then she didn't want to chat online just now. I don't know how I can comfort her. I'm not good at these kind of stuff. She's really done her best. She worked so hard preparing for the exams.
BY got abc. YS got 3As also. Same as Woon Ling. haha.
All four of us will be heading down different paths. Which is very sad. Sigh, why can't I find someone who likes the same stuff that I do?
I still dunno what I want. I think it's either pharmacist or teacher. Most prob teacher bah. I went to the nus website but still am very confused. All those degree, major, minor, credit, module, whatever..Very luan4.
And time is running out. Application for scholarships close on 12March. I don't know about uni application. Sigh.